Wednesday 2/29

I am laughing right now because Rand is really mad at me.
The funny part is not that he's mad... the funny part is that he's mad and I can hear what he's saying about me from the other room.
He is saying (to Blythe) "Mom is so mean, and she is stupid too! She is really STUPID!!"
Then I hear Blythe repeat "Stupid... stupid"
Maybe I shouldn't find it so funny.
Perhaps I should be barging in there to tell him not to teach his 2 year old sister words like stupid.
But I won't do that... not this time.
Because what are big brothers for after all, if not to teach you bad words and commiserate with you when your parents are mean?
Even though I wish they didn't find me so irritating I'm glad they have each other:)

Reminder

Yesterday I was reminded of one of the many reason why my guy is right for me. Sometimes I take him for granted and I shouldn't cause he's the best!

Like it, love it, or can't live without it

Did I do this one already? I can't remember! Oh well...

My Nike Free running shoes.

I love these shoes + their my favorite color (actually they're still a little green from the Color Run!
At least five other family members have gotten them too... I'm an inspiration what can I say:)

Baby #2

This guy and I have been having a hard time getting along lately, and it makes me really sad:( He thinks a little differently than I do and a little differently than my other kids do. Sometimes I have a hard time figuring him out. He isn't very forthcoming with his feelings and he tends to take things personally. I always feel like I'm handling things just a little bit wrong with him but I am not sure how to fix it. I hope he is forgiving when he grows up and realizes that I was doing the best I could to understand him and that I love him so much no matter what!

Like it, love it, or can't live without it

Nursing/ cuddling my sweet little Farrah-do!

Green Drink

I got a fabulous new blender for Christmas.
I want my family to get all the nutrients out of their fruits and veggies you know!
I started making them all drink really GREEEN smoothies.
I could tell by their reactions that I jumped ahead of myself a little with this intense level of green.
I've toned it down a bit and I am breaking them in more gradually now.
I think it is working because the other day Rand told me that the smoothie I made him was "only a little bit yucky, but also a little bit good too"

Victory... I think so!

Kaylie

My sister is almost 15
She is the best babysitter.
My kids LOVE her.
She is also a lot of fun to hang out with.
She was not quite 5 when I got married.
That is the same age as Rand is now (my third child!)
I am glad to have her as a sister.
She is growing up to be an awesome person.

Birth

I was thinking about this the other day, and I can't believe almost six months have passed.

The feelings I had during, and right after, were so intense it was hard to imagine they would ever fade.
But they have.
The memory is vivid but the feelings themselves have paled.
It is a good thing, and also a sad one.



Birth is a very solitary experience in some ways.
Only while it is being experienced can its energy be truly fathomed.
No matter how many people gather around to provide support there will always be one woman alone with the torrent.
This isolation is alternately distressing and empowering.



Knowing complete responsibility to carry out a task so grueling can bring despair to the very soul.
On the other hand embracing and directing those all encompassing sensations brings with it an unrivaled sense of power and control.



Because of birth...
I am grateful to be a woman.
I know I am strong, and I feel empowered.
I love my body, and I can finally see the beauty in it.
I know I can do anything I put my mind to.

V-day

Lots of love to all my Valentine's... you guys are my favorites!



Thanks for letting me torture you with lots of photos this morning:)

Like it, love it, or can't live without it

I am totally addicted to this drink!

February 10, 2006

The anniversary of my mom's death just passed. I usually just kind of avoid thinking about it when this day rolls around. I feel like I still haven't fully grieved her death. There was so much going on at that time and I truly felt I couldn't afford to break down. I told myself at the time that once the funeral was arranged and over and I had taken care of my dad (etc.) then I would really let myself feel everything.

I simply shut down.

By the time everything was said and done I think I had waited too long to really feel everything and process it normally. So my repressed grief shows up in spurts and starts here and there. I never know when or what will trigger it. It's as if I'm afraid that if I really let the flood gates open I will never be able to recover from it. That probably sounds really weird but it is what it is. I actually think this is the most I've written regarding my feelings about her death.

I miss my mom. It makes me sad that she doesn't know my kids. I try not to think about that because it really bothers me. I do believe I will see her again. That knowledge sustains me, but it doesn't stop me from feeling a little bit mad that I have to wait so long. I also miss just having a mom in general. A mom is someone who loves you no matter how you act or how much you complain. A mom takes care of you when you're a mom yourself and you don't feel like you can let yourself off the hook. A mom is someone you call for advice. A mom is there for you when you're sick, or hurting, or have something to celebrate. There are many other people in my life that can and do step in to fill-in in these situations. My dad has always been especially great about this. Including coming and taking care of me when I have a baby! (Yeah, he's pretty much awesome:) But it's still not the same as having her here.

I have a lot more feelings and thoughts about her, but it is all a little too complicated to face right now so I think I'll call this good.

The Color Run

The Color Run was a few weeks ago and I ran it with my sister- in- law Candice. To sum it up you run a 5k while volunteers throw powdered chalk of different colors at you. The only requirement is that you wear a white shirt.

Here are some before shots...


Candice made up us some sweet white tutu's to wear:) Also a creepy guy jumped in our photo... what the???

I know I shouldn't have taken a photo of this but seriously people... if you think you should leave the house in tiny white spandex shorts, especially if you're an over weight, middle aged man... think again! You wouldn't believe the huge number of people we saw sporting this look! It was worse in real life too.


Other than run-ins with see through shorts the run was a whole lot of fun. It was a pretty laid back atmosphere and was not timed. As the race began we made a last minute decision to go ahead and run the whole way instead of taking it easy like most of the people around us.

When we ran through the "color zones" the powder was a bit suffocating. We quickly got into a pattern of skirting the crowds and hopping in, getting colored, and hopping out again.

After shots...



By the end I had color in my mouth, and everywhere else you can imagine. After showering I even had some lingering green that took a few days to wear off!


Candice left me a colorful seat in my car:) Check out her version of events here.


Overall a fun experience and I think I would do it again.

Happy 10th Nicky!

You are the love of my life. I could not live without you by my side every day. You are my best friend, lover, and confidante. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday that we found each other, and that you took that "leap of faith" with me. The knowledge that we can be together through this life and the next brings me sweet solace, and my heart swells when I think of being with you forever.

Girl's Weekend

I wrote before about how I was excited to go away for the weekend with two of my oldest friends. Well it all turned out as fabulous as I had hoped.

On Friday night I met Jennie in Scottsdale, not too far from our hotel. We had a great dinner and great conversation. We shared the kind of chat I really needed, and it made me feel not so alone in some of my struggles. It reminded me that this get together was way overdue.

Jennie holding Farrah


After we ate we shopped a little and got really confused by the elevator!
Then we went and checked into our hotel.
Debbie met us in later on that night in our room.

I love how these girls snuggled on Farrah all weekend:)



Once Debbie arrived we stayed up until 4am talking! The time just flew by. I LOVE chatting with these gals. They are both so inspirational.

This is my view from bed while we talked.


On Saturday morning we managed to pull ourselves out of bed and we headed to breakfast. I love this photo... it turned out so cute!


Next we decided to do a little shopping. I ended up leaving to go take my Dad out to lunch since it was his birthday. My sister came too and we had a nice long lunch.

For some reason I failed to get a photo of my Dad on his birthday, but I did get one of Kaylie and Farrah. She is so awesome at taking care of my kids!


After my late lunch I met back up with the girls and we hopped in Jennie's car.

Calling to see if we can fit some pedicures in before the salon closes... and to ask some other questions... You know what I'm talking about Debbie:)


Getting my first pedicure. Is it sad that I have reached such an age without ever having one of these? I think yes!



We wrapped up the night by getting a bite to eat "to go" at La Grande Orange, which I have heard about but never tried. Then we returned to the hotel for some good food and more talk. This time we only stayed up until 1 or 2am.

Sunday morning we said our goodbyes, and took one last photo.


I made the drive home rejuvenated, but a little sad it ended so quickly.


Dear Debbie & Jennie,
I'm so glad we did this.
We waited way too long.
We need to make this a regular tradition.
It's so lovely to have the kind of friends that you feel at home with instantly even when years have gone by.
Finally, I haven't laughed that much in a long time and it felt great!

Debbie's Story

Catching Up + Procrastination = This blog post

#1. Saw this, liked it, decided to share... Lose Yourself

#2. This week I want to blog about girl's weekend (1/20), and the color run (1/28), and also my hike up Elephant's Head (2/4).

Three fun weekends + fun things to do during all of them = happiness!

Some of these topics have been waiting longer than others to have their moment in the spotlight so let's hope I stick to my plan for this week's posts. So far so good... I have now written that I want to write about them which means, it's as good as done now:)

#3. Speaking of fun weekend activities... Me + Hiking = sore legs in more ways than one. You'll see when I blog about Elephant's Head.

Here's a sneak peak


#4. WARNING _ RANDOM THOUGHT AHEAD
It just occurred to me that there are not enough options as far as punctuation goes. I think I need something in between a declarative (and boring) period and and exclamatory exclamation mark. Most of my life falls in between these two extremes and I am not feeling fully fulfilled with my current punctuation possibilities... SO THERE!!!!!

#5. Nick + what I'm pretty sure are gallstones = no fun last night!
(That one deserved an exclamation mark. You'd understand if you were there)

#6. Wow, there is a lot of math going on here today... more than I've done in years. It's too much math isn't it? Yeah, you're right. Sorry:(

#7. What else... what else... nothing's coming to mind... better be done before I write more nonsense.

Goodbye for today

Speaking of Nick and having fun...

He is off to the dunes tonight!

I am glad he's going to do something fun... especially since I had a girl's weekend away recently... but it kinda sucks to be left home alone all weekend:)

I do have a few things going on to keep me busy while he's gone so it shouldn't be too bad.

In spite of that I will feel a little nervous until he's back home safe and sound and in one piece!

A boy and his bike.

Nick was riding his bike around with the kids tonight.

Some things you never grow too old for and sailing down the street on a bicycle has to be one of them.

He seemed so carefree as he sped through the neighborhood on his bright yellow BMX.

It made happy to watch him, because he looked as light hearted as as the kids.

Given the fact that he has quite a few important responsibilities I would say he deserves a few breezy moments.

He's a provider with all that entails!

He shares with me the joy, but also the burden, of raising at least 5 children up to be happy, productive, hard working, well adjusted and ready for the world!

AND he has a wife to maintain on top of that.

He does a pretty great job of balancing it all and so I'm thinking that's why it seemed so right for him to take a ride around the block just for himself.